“I Can Help You, But I Can’t Fix You”…

I am in the process of consolidating several of my blogs to one primary blog spot, and have come across several entries I wrote approximately two years ago.  This particular one, very near and not-so-dear to my heart, was written following an epiphany I had regarding my struggle with weight loss.  In reposting this, my intent is to hopefully provide some insight to other individuals struggling in much the same way as I do on a daily basis.

This blog explores the concept of being a “fixer” and getting/staying fat.

“Fixers” are those individuals who become too deeply invested in other people’s problems (OPPs) that the problem soon belongs to the “fixer.” “Fixers” have an almost compulsive obsession with “fixing” others’ problems that in the process, they forgot about “fixing” themselves. “Fixers” tend to seek out other people’s problems to avoid facing their own problems.

Although there is no “Fixers Anonymous” organization to which I can turn, I am willing to stand and say:

“Hello…my name is Gina, and I am a “fixer.” My ability or inability to fix things for people directly correlates to how I feel about myself and my performance. So, basically, if I can’t fix your problem, I feel like a worthless failure…”

“Fixers” demonstrate a continuous cycle of self-abusive behavior by consistently taking on OPPs, infusing their lives with the additional stress, forgetting about themselves, and then eating for comfort. As another individual noted, “I can give forever and its still not enough.”

Had I not read a Weight Watchers post about this anomaly, I most certainly would never have made this connection to myself. I am a compulsive “fixer.” If there is an OPP within 100 miles of me, I have this uncanny ability of self-consciously gravitating toward the problem. Should I fail to find the problem, it most certainly will find me. For better or worse, I inherited my father’s perfectionism and my self belief is that I think I have to be everything for everybody all of the time.

In conclusion, I must thank a friend of mine for sharing the advice that was once given to her:

“When I begin to live my life on a ‘need-to-know’ basis, I, too, will succeed in life and weight loss.”

In my own words:

“EXTRA WEIGHT = OTHER PEOPLE’S BAGGAGE”

I can ‘help’ you, but I can’t ‘fix’ you. That doesn’t mean I don’t care.

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